Maurizio – Omnologos

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Novel System for Improved IT Support Efficiency

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A novel IT Support Call Handling Scheme guaranteed to improve efficiency:

  1. Having received a support call or e-mail, do nothing about it
  2. If there is no further contact —> the issue is solved
  3. If the user calls again, pretend you care. Keep doing nothing about it
  4. If there is no further contact —> the issue is solved
  5. If the user calls again, provide assurance the problem is being looked at. Once again, do nothing about it
  6. If there is no further contact —> the issue is solved 
  7. If the user calls again, repeat from step 5
  8. If the user acts unreasonably and calls your boss, look busy and go to step 5
  9. At this point, the issue is either solved, or an absolute emergency
  10. In the latter case, start dealing with it

The above is based on the established fact that most of the time issues solve themselves, because the user gives up, moves to another job, or finds a way around the problem out of frustration.

As the end result is that everybody in IT support works on emergencies all of the time, their jobs will be safe for the foreseeable future, and users will just be grateful whenever any issue is actually solved.

Is that “maximum efficiency” or what?

Written by omnologos

2008/Aug/19 at 07:14:46

Posted in Business, Humor, IT, Software

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Secret Jargon of Software Testing

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Malfunctional Testing: when the application makes sure you can’t see a single part of it behaving as expected

User Refusal Testing: the unmissable bursts of anger by users irked by approaching deadlines and receding functionalities

Disintegration Testing: getting ready to the sad truth that the arrival of a new application will destroy anything that had been working beforehand

Quality Lack-of Testing: making sure no part of the software package is fit for human interaction

Undress Rehearsal: planning to revert to a previous, working version of the software as the new one will invariably fail the call of duty

Dress Rehassle: more bursts of anger by users duped into weekend work despite knowing that nothing will perform

Digression Testing: the time passed in vague chit-chatting whilst awaiting confirmation that the application really, definitely does not work

Data Emigration: packing up all attempts at installing a new software package, in order to concentrate to a different pipedream application

And finally…

Hindrance Desk: the group of people whose main aim is to make you listen to muzak on the phone before providing misleading information

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And here’s more: Loser Acceptance Testing, Test Mythodology, Dysfunctional Testing, Capability Maturity Muddle, Test Automation, Risk-based Testing, Black Box Testing, Fragile Development, Delusability Study, Fenestration Testing, Hard Disk Figmentation, all by Steve Green.

(originally posted on 12 April 2005)

Written by omnologos

2007/Mar/05 at 14:25:30

Posted in Humor, Software, Technology