Maurizio – Omnologos

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Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Obama Ahead…In Google Too!

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In Google too, Barack Obama appears ahead of John McCain, most of the time…

For example: searching “obama 666” one gets 1,380,000 pages. “mccain 666” returns only 848,000 results.

Or “McCain eats babies” = 1,460. “Obama eats babies” = 3,050. One wonder how much exercise is needed to avoid getting fat after having eaten all those little children.

The only search where McCain is just a bit in front: “McCain is a nazi” = 5,610. “Obama is a nazi“=5,130.

No page had ever mentioned “McCain and Obama are nazis” as a single sentence until I wrote this very blog šŸ˜‰

Written by omnologos

2008/Oct/29 at 23:35:54

Signs of Hope Among White Supremacists

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who would have guessed…white supremacists (eg Neo-nazis) can be surprisingly self-aware…

There’s a real problem,” [Bill] White [head of the American National Socialist Workers Party] said in the interview last month, “in what’s called the ‘white movement.’ One, there’s a lot of people who are just mentally ill, and we deal with those a lot. No. 2, there are people who have serious sexual problems.

Written by omnologos

2008/Oct/22 at 21:37:46

Greeks Win the Diagram of Diagrams Prize

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The winner of the Diagram of Diagrams Prize has beenĀ announced: “Greek Rural Postmen and Their Cancellation Numbers“.

That is supposed to be the book with the oddest title in the last 30 years.

My favoritesĀ were the “Lesbian Sadomasochism Safety Manual” (who would have thought that was an issue?) from 1990, and “Bombproof Your Horse” from 2004 (another post-9/11 book, one suspects).

Written by omnologos

2008/Sep/05 at 18:56:12

Obama’s Swift Riposte to McCain’s Challenge

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NOTE ADDED SEP 8: Gov. Palin’s Vogue cover below is a fake

Denver,Ā Aug 31Ā (MNN) – Sen. Barack Obama, Democratic Nominee for the 2008 US Presidential Election, has recruited today two well-known characters to fight back the unexpected challenge from the youth/women side by Sen. John McCain and his VP choice, Gov. Sarah Palin.

Sen. Obama said he was very glad to introduce, in the newly-created positions of Vice-Vice-Presidents, Betty Boop and Swee’Pea.

Sarah Palin Betty Boop

His remarks may cause controversy though (“Betty would look better on Vogue!” and “Swee’Pea’s got much less experience in foreign or any other matters“)Ā .

According to uninformed sources, Sen. McCain is planning to up the ante by revealing that he himself years ago was in a Hollywood blockbuster (the second episode of Jurassic Park), playing a character named “Kelly Curtis Malcolm” …

Written by omnologos

2008/Aug/30 at 08:26:57

Posted in America, Humor, MNN, Politics, USA, USA 2008

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Novel System for Improved IT Support Efficiency

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A novel IT Support Call Handling Scheme guaranteed to improve efficiency:

  1. Having received a support call or e-mail, do nothing about it
  2. If there is no further contact —> the issue is solved
  3. If theĀ user calls again, pretend you care. Keep doing nothing about it
  4. If there is no further contact —> the issue is solved
  5. If theĀ user calls again, provide assurance the problem is being looked at. Once again, do nothing about it
  6. If there is no further contact —> the issue is solvedĀ 
  7. If the user calls again, repeat from step 5
  8. If the user acts unreasonably and calls your boss, look busy and go to step 5
  9. At this point, the issue is either solved, or an absolute emergency
  10. In the latter case, start dealing with it

The above is based on the established fact that most of the time issues solve themselves, because the user gives up, moves to another job, or finds a way around the problem out of frustration.

As the end result is that everybody in IT support works on emergencies all of the time, their jobs will be safe for the foreseeable future, and users will just be grateful whenever any issue is actually solved.

Is that “maximum efficiency” or what?

Written by omnologos

2008/Aug/19 at 07:14:46

Posted in Business, Humor, IT, Software

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Police Rounds Up Mladic Suspects After Karadzic Arrest

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Written by omnologos

2008/Jul/23 at 22:34:57

Posted in Humor, Politics

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Airport Security Explained (sort of…)

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As reported in the current issue of “Private Eye“, the British satirical magazine, there is a rather interesting clarification on post-9/11 airport security procedures, coming from New Zealand:

My brother-in-law went through security at Auckland domestic airport and witnessed a passenger having to fish out her nail scissors from her handbag and leave them behind. He went through security and then boarded his plane. After being seated he could smell petrol. He knew you shouldn’t be able to smell petrol on a plane, because planes don’t use petrol. The smell got worse and eventually he got the attention of one of the flight attendants. They started to look around to see where it was coming from. They found in the overhead compartment a chainsaw in a bag that was leaking petrol into the compartment. His plane was delayed as the owner was identified and the chainsaw removed and put with the main luggage. The owner of the chainsaw said security had stopped him but had let him through because it wasn’t one of the things on their list to confiscate.

Well, that’s good news for Klingons at least…no need to leave their Bat’leth at home any longer!

Written by omnologos

2008/Jul/09 at 21:38:21